I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
