Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
