also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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