if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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