Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
