VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
