The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
