My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
