I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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