I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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