I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
