At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
