His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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