Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
