office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found your dick twin last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
