I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
