Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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