Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
