If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
