I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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