according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
