On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
