You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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