why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
