Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
