I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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