Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
