Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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