You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
