Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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