I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im on a boat
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