Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
