Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
