My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
