She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
