Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
