she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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