I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
