sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
