I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Enjoy the penises
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
