Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
