do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
