Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
