One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
