My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
