just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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