The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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