He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
