May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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