Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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